I'm sorry....so sorry....

....please accept my apologies......


Hopefully you know how the rest of that song goes.


Unfortunately, after a long, grueling evening last night...one of marital discontent...I am unable to blog about much due to lack of "pep".


I would HIGHLY recommend you visit www.someecards.com , if you have a great sense of humor, that is. If you are easily offended, please don't visit this site, as I don't want to hear anymore whining at the moment.

Anyways....they have a GEAT selection of eCards for EVERY occasion, and they offer up a HEARTY serving of sarcasm with each card!

I find too many that I like, so I save them to my computer, and then upload them to my photobucket account.

If nothing else, go there if you need a boost....a decent chuckle. Or...if you're upset, it will sympathize with you....lol....in some strange way.


Hope you all have a great evening, and a great weekend. My middle one is getting ready to go to her first winter formal. Got herself a designer red-carpet gown before mama went out of business. Actually...they ALL got a FEW high-end gowns before I closed my doors. Smart girls. I'll send pictures later....

Night.

Wrestling with a comment...

Unfortunately...I may be at loss for words tonight. Only because I am fairly disturbed by some comments that were thrown my way late this afternoon.


I HAD been having a fairly decent day, until one of my readers decided to email me comments about a topic that I should blog about...and how I should do it. It touched a rather raw nerve with me. Basic content was: I should write a blog of nice things about my husband, because it was the right thing to do to make him happy.

I'm sorry...but, he doesn't even READ my blogs. Doesn't have one bit of interest in them. I also take GREAT offense in how it's the WOMAN'S job to stroke the mans ego so that he can offer up kindness in return. When I hear that, I always feel that the woman should get NO kudos, kindness or thoughfulness given to her...unless SHE first gives.

And that's EXACTLY the way this "comment" was taken.


Sorry, all of my loyal readers.

I may or may NOT be back on tonight. It's best that I hold my tongue and properly prepare or difuse myself before going on further. I promise though...I won't let this shut my blog down.

Some women get stronger AND wiser with age. I'd like to think that I am one of them.

Surprise.....Delivery!!

There she is...at the age of 13. Heather Michelle Schmidt. Born on May 3rd, 1994, to my mother, who was 43 at the time she delivered my sister. Wait. WE delivered my sister. Yeah....here's the story same of you have been waiting for...and others have previously heard, but want to hear again for some reason. **chuckle**

Here goes nothing.



Nice spring morning, it was on May 3rd, 1994. My mom had gone out to Red Lobster the night before, to celebrate her boyfriends birthday. It had been a quiet day so far for me. Well, as quiet as can be for a mom of two (ages 5 1/2 and 16 months). Oh yeah. I was also almost 9 months pregnant, also.


I get a phone call from my mom, somewhere around 10:30am, I believe. She was in tears, in a panic that she was having a miscarriage. This was COMPLETE news to me, as I didn't even know that she thought she was pregnant. I pressed her for more information on the phone; Was she bleeding? (Yes.) How much? (Substantially.) Has she told Bob, her boyfriend? (No.) Why not? (He doesn't know she's pregnant.) How far along did she think she was? (Maybe 4 months.)

Ok. Well, I explain to her that she NEEDS to get to the hospital IMMEDIATELY, before she looses too much blood. (She can't drive, by the way...) She explains that she doesn't want to involve Bob. Alright. Fine. I will drag my HUGE pregnant ass, all the way across town to tend to my mom. So, I tell her I am on my way.

As I am taking my 25 minute drive to her house, I am TRYING to mentally prepare for what I will be walking in to...not truly knowing what will happen once I get there. I've had my share of medical run-ins, and consider myself pretty educated when it comes to medical issues. Taken some classes on psychology, CPR, had two kids of my OWN, for God's sake. I can handle this.

I get there, as quickly as I could have. Bob greets me at the door, not knowing that I was on my way. I explained to him that mom had called me. (He was under the understanding that she had food poisoning from the night before at Red Lobster...thought nothing more about it.) He said that since I was going to be there with mom, he was going to run down to Napa and get some car parts, as he was working to fix their Volvo. No problem, I said...I'm here to be with mom.

WRONG THING TO SAY!! WHERE were the red flags when I needed them???


I head upstairs to the master bedroom/bathroom where mom is. I find her in a robe, bouncing back and forth from the bathroom, to sitting on the edge of the bed and talking to me. Upon talking to her for a bit, I find that she thinks she is about 4-5 months along (LIE!) and that she's been sick for hours. Every time she gets up to use the bathroom, I hear her grunt, and I fear that she is trying to pass the baby...meaning I REALLY need to get her to the hospital, ASAP.

I explain to mom that we need to get he to the hospital right away, as I don't think I can help her, because it appears that she is trying to pass the fetus. She's just not going for my idea at all. I explain that if I can't take her, then I will need to call 911 to transport her.

Little did I know, I would be doing that, anyways....

She heads back to the bathroom. No. She RUNS to the bathroom, and closes the door. I sit and wait on the edge of the bed, wondering what to do next.

And then I hear it.

The sound that forever changed my life.




The sound of a newborn baby crying.



I JUMP up from the bed and kick in the bathroom door. I see my naked mom lifting off of the toilet, white as a sheet, asking me, "What's going on?"

I never knew I was REALLY good at emergency situations...until now.


I reached over and sat my mother on the trash can, and in doing so, I watch a baby fall from her....into the toilet bowl. I scoop up this baby, perfectly pink, and grab a towel and wrap it up. I see the phone on the bathroom counter and immediately dial 911. My mother, still perched on the trash can, continues to ask me, "What's going on?" (Duh. You just had a baby, mom.) But, I have something else that's keeping my attention.

The 911 dispatcher picks up, and I explain to her that my mother just had a baby. I try to explain that I am very largely pregnant myself, and that we need help...FAST! I go on to explain that the baby appears to be FULL TERM. Unfortunately, it does not appear that the dispatcher knows what that means, as she keeps asking me over and over how far along the baby appeared to be. ***sigh*** After establishing that the baby had 10 fingers, and 10 toes....was a GIRL (I shouted at the dispatcher, "I HAVE A SISTER!!")...and that she appeared to be healthy.....the dispatcher asks me, "Is she breathing?"

Everything was fine and dandy until she had to ask that question. At that moment, I look down at the baby, and she had IMMEDIATELY turned a purple/blue color. I told that to the dispatcher. She begins to walk me through infant CPR (which I was not taught). I begin "working" on the baby, and my mother begins screaming at me, "What are you doing?! Don't! Don't do it!!" I continue to administer CPR until the baby cries and begins to breathe again.

At this point, I hear a pounding on the front door downstairs. I tell the dispatcher on the phone that someone is here at the house. She explains it is the fire crew. I holler at them to come in...but, it seems that Bob locked the door behind him. I continue to yell at them to come in, knowing full well that my mom could NOT be left alone with this baby. By the third time that I yell, they begin kicking in the door.

They manage their way upstairs, and get mom and baby on a gurney, and descend downstairs. By this time, the ambulance had arrived, and they were placed inside the back of it. Mom is begging me to go with her to the hospital, but I try to explain to her that the door is busted in, there's blood all over the upstairs bathroom, and what would Bob do or think when he got home and no one was here? She agreed. The ambulance left, and I stayed behind for what seemed the LONGEST amount of time.


Ok....here's where I HAD to have run mom's phone bill up....

I called Dean first. I ended up being some what hysterical, and reiterating the words HOLY SHIT about every 10 seconds. I was at first, on the line with an acquaintance at Dean's work, trying to explain to her what just happened, while I was waiting for Dean to get off of the phone. He finally came on, and I explained what happened. Not only did he not believe it...he was pretty unimpressed by the whole thing. I was VERY quickly pissed off by his calmness, and KNEW that I needed to talk to someone who would be there for me.

I called my brother. Yet another mistake. Not only was he PISSED, he really didn't want to talk to me, either.

So off the phone I get. I pace around in a figure 8 upstairs, while waiting for Bob to come home. I couldn't believe what must be taking him so long!! I just KNOW that I wore down the carpet in her bedroom that day...


After what seemed like an hour, Bob showed up.

Now, I have to explain to you...Bob was a VERY laid-back guy (we lost him in 2005...another story). He came into the house, and wondered how mom was doing. I told him that the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. He said, "Oh man...I'm so sorry". I then explained to him that I thought he should sit down...which he did. I told him, "I really don't know how to tell you this other than just telling you...so.............mom had a baby while you were gone."

Bob sat there in silence for a moment. Then, he asked me to repeat myself. "Mom had a baby while you were gone."

At this point, Bob stands up and says, "I need to take a shower!", and heads into the downstairs bathroom. I sit on the couch in amazement, kind of wondering if this is all some crazy dream.

He eventually emerges, and asks me to go over...one more time...what happened. I explain the whole thing to him. He says, "We need to go to the hospital!" PERFECT!! This is what we needed to do SEVERAL minutes ago!

Well, we hop in his car and head downtown to the hospital. Before we can even get on the freeway, poor Bob has to pull over to a restroom, as he is sick.

Once back in the car, we head straight for the hospital.

We get there, and mom has been separated from the baby, and is in a VERY large room where she is being examined, asked questions, and "fixed up". Bob rushes to her side, and says, "You didn't have to do this to get me to marry you. Will you marry me?" Of course, mom said yes.

Test after test was performed on Heather Michelle, due to the "conditions" she was born in...and all the while, I got to contact everyone and tell them the news. NOT the easiest job in town.

Local news got ahold of the story, and within 2 weeks, we were front page of the Fresno Bee, and on TV...largely due to a special event that the ambulance company was holding. It was quite surreal...just as Bob told the paper.

I DO need to tell you that mom had remained 143 pounds through her ENTIRE pregnancy. Even helped me MOVE in February, before Heather was born. She shared a bed with Bob, and the baby never seemed to move. You would not have known that she was pregnant. It was quite incredible.


Here I am now, 38 years old, with a sister the age of MY youngest....13. They go to the same school, and there are some kids who know their relationship. It's kinda odd for everyone involved...but, it is what it is.


So....that's my story, an I'm sticking to it.

I got to share this story with everyone at Bob's funeral in October of 2005. I felt honored to have "shot the starting gun" of his fatherhood. And during his all too brief time with us, he was one of the best father's I have ever known. And he was THRILLED to have Heather. He taught her so much before he left us. I miss him dearly.


How blessed we are to have some of his legacy living on in Heather.


How's THAT for an exciting story???



By the way.....for Mother's Day that year, I got her a copy of the 911 call that I had placed. We both have a copy. It's pretty darned cool, if I may say so myself...

Bed rest and Tommy Boy...

How sad is it when there are 6 of us gathered around the TV, watching Tommy Boy, and 5 of us know the lines....verbatim. And....we have a 7th person downstairs who could chime in with us.

Have you seen it? You really should. TOTAL no-brainer...and funny as hell! Here are a couple of lines you can rehearse to share with YOUR family:


Tommy (Chris Farley): I l-left a message.
Richard Hayden (David Spade): A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard Hayden: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.



Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.


Richard Hayden: What is our carrying charge for all the merchandise in the warehouse?
Tommy: Ohhhh, man...
Richard Hayden: One and a...
Tommy: ...half percent. I knew that. Why can't I remember it?
Richard Hayden: Try an association like, uhhh... Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.


Alright....I digress. It's funny. Got funny lines. A few bad words thrown in here and there. Some heavy-hitter actors, too. Even Bo Derek doing her best impression of "10" again! Definate cult classic.


Well, my day was fairly uneventful. Went to the doc again. "Everything looks great! Take the rest of the tape off when you get home." Even though the nurse recommended I spend more time in bed during the day (which I will be doing), everything else seems to be right on task.


I fear I am going to have nothing funny or exciting to write about in the next few days...while I am in BED. ***sigh*** Looks like I will have to revisit some more poignant times in my life again.

Ohhh....the choices. Twice stolen identity...car hit while I was in South Coast Plaza...delivering my little sister while I was almost 9 months pregnant....


What to write, what to write....


Any suggestions?

If I only had a brain...

Warm prune juice, hot tap water, dried apricots, a fersh orange, Metemucil, Miralax....the list goes on and on. I am SURE you know what all of these are used for. I know we have touched on this subject before...but, I would just like to share something with my readers.


I have often wondered, "WHY?", when being diagnosed/stricken with certain ailments. I have often been told, "Everything happens for a reason...even if we don't know why". Well...I have figured out why I have two of my health issues, and how to use them for my good.


IF you happen to have surgery...and IF you have happened to have the same "issues" as I have been having....and IF you happen to have lactose intolerance or IBS....USE IT NOW TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!!!


I have to thank my dear friend, Debbie, and her gift of ice cream last night that made me sick!! I think, perchance, that it was the BEST vanilla ice cream I've ever eaten!! My stomach was SO unhappy!!



Speaking of friends bringing food...I am so blessed. I have had a full dinner meal brought to my home EVERY NIGHT since the 19th...and have someone scheduled to bring me food until this Thursday evening. I have AWESOME girlfriends from church! Milli has schedule this WHOLE thing, and various loving friends have been so great at bringing dinner every night for a household of (currently) seven.

I'm on the receiving end, once again. I have a LOT of GIVING to do, once I am fully recuperated. I have thoroughly been looking forward to volunteering bedside again at the hospice. This will DEFINATELY warrant me returning back to what I love doing there. I can hardly wait to be a vigil volunteer again!! I have so greatly missed being there for others as they cross over.


Speaking of being active again, a couple of things popped up today.


After YEARS of trying to get Dean to train with me (and me missing so much this past year didn't help), he has decided to start a routine with me and my personal trainer...once I am given the green light by my doctor...and once he finishes his 12-week cardio rehab., we will start a regimine. THAT should be fun! My trainer's been DYING to get her hands on him!!

Also...I had some sad news today. A genteman that I had JUST started working with at the travel agency before I left, was found dead in his home this week. He was absent from work on Tuesday, which was odd. On Wednesday a friend had the police break in, and they found him slumped over his kitchen sink, while his dinner was waiting for him on the table. Died immediately from a massive heart attack at the age of 65. Richard, you were a good man, and you will be missed.

His absence has left a HUGE hole in the travel office. He was half of the department that handled all bus tours and excursions. Sounds like they are bringing my name up as a possible person to fill the position left empty by the loss of Richard. It would be great, as they are offering me a chance to become a travel agent, also. I had quite a bit of dealings with airlines, cruises and hotels (not to mention personal experience) while I worked there. I am actually half-way excited about the opportunity. We'll see how it all pans out. I'll keep you posted. It would be some big shoes for me to fill...


Anyways...I fear that I have nothing else really exciting to share with you this evening. Since I spent a VERY long day at church (FIVE hours...we had an annual meeting today), I have been rather uncomfortable. So, I will be online...but, taking it easy. I am currently watching DEEP IMPACT. I am sure we will watch something else after it is over.


I think maybe I will talk tomorrow about how pissed off I am about the writer's strike.

That is...unless something more interesting comes up.

I DO have a doctor's appointment tomorrow...maybe he will have some new news for me....

It's better to give than receive...

Meet Juan Jose Blandon Aguilera. He is a butcher in Nicaragua. He was looking for someone to lend him money to expand his butcher business. I, along with 23 other people, helped him in that endeavor today. I have found a new addiction.

I have always been one to give to the needy. I love doing it. I currently support 5 girls in the following countries: Uganda, Peru and Colombia. That's through a fabulous organization called Compassion. (www.compassion.com) If you are looking to sponsor a child, it's by FAR the best group I have found. In 2007, over 87% of the contributed funds went directly to the children. Also, if you make birthday or "family" gifts, 100% goes towards the child/family. It's amazing. It took me YEARS to find an organization that didn't take the majority of the money and pay their administration. If you want to know more about my "girls", please just holler! I have pictures and TONS of letters from them. They are all WONDERFUL!

Now...back to Juan Jose.

I was watching a program today, I think on Fox News, and came across either a story or a commercial that was right up my alley.

www.kiva.com

It was a microlending program. It's NOT a money-maker for the lender. It's a way of donating to impoverished countries, by helping to stimulate their economy. You are able to pick and choose who would like to assist in their endeavors. You are told how much they need, what time frame they will pay it back in, what the money will be used for, and how reliable they are for repaying their debts. You are able to donate anywhere from $25, all the way up to fulfilling their entire need. Your choice. There is not an absolute that you will receive your whole investment back, but you do enough homework, and your chances are very high. All you need is a PayPal account, and you are off assist the human race in an amazingly technological way.

Perfect for me...the techno-geek.

No, I'm not a tree hugger. I've been known to donate here and there. Basically, I let my heart tell me where I need to put my money. I definately don't make a lot of money on my own anymore, but the money that I DO take in, I enjoy rolling back into others. I am a Republican...lol...for those of you who may be wondering. But, I do have my liberal areas.... This happens to be one of them.


Do me a favor...check out their website. You don't have to sign up. You don't have to give more than $25. You don't even have to give to more than one person. Invest in one human life. When they pay that back, invest in another. However you see fit. Just take a look. It's a pretty cool deal. Plus, anything that you donate directly TO Kiva, is tax deductible, as they are a non-profit organization.


Seriously......as much as I loved receiving my care package yesterday, I am so at peace when I am assisting others.


Besides, if I can lose $800 in the ocean, I can at least support mankind a little. True?

LIGHT IT UP!!!

Anyone catch THIS Las Vegas show today? WOW!! Light it up, baby!!


According to news, when they went to put the fire out on the rooftop of the Monte Carlo in Las Vegas, they found 4 welders. SURPRISE!!! And did you hear why it burned so quickly? That beautiful facade on the outside is made of....


(drum roll, please)


.....FOAM!!


That's right, folks! You're safe in Las Vegas...where EVERYTHING'S a show!! You can watch water shows...magic shows....USED to be able to watch PIRATE shows!! But, now, for your entertainment pleasure, we proudly present...FIRE SHOWS!! Kinda beats Wynn's Mirage down the street, huh? He just has a little 'ole volcano that erupts every so often.

It is sad, though. I have stayed at the Monte Carlo before...when it first opened. LOVELY rooms. I believe ours was non-smoking. ***cough, cough***

Seriously,though...I'm kinda bummed with Vegas. I never took my kids there...and, I know that it went from being a Sin City to a "Family-Friendly" city...and now, it's decided to go back to sleaze. Too bad, too. They had a lot of really cool stuff that I would have enjoyed taking my kids to now that they are a little older.

You know, as I mentioned in a post a few days ago, we were stranded (twice) in Vegas. I barely recognized the city. There is SO much construction going on! I couldn't believe it! And, it seems like for everyone's eye-sore, there's a bigger, better, more expensive eye-sore down the road from there!

Have you seen THIS one:





You should read about it on the website:

http://www.vegastodayandtomorrow.com/las_vegas_tower.htm


Vegas: this ain't the rat-pack's town, anymore.


I found it interesting that they had to completely evacuate the Monte Carlo tonight. Everyone who HAD a room there, now gets to stay at another MGM property in Las Vegas. Kind-of a cool way to hotel hop...I guess.

I thought it was kinda funny when I heard that the fire had been blazing for 45 minutes before they really started the evacuation process. Reports are that even though the fire alarm was going off (for 45 minutes, mind you) that people were still on the casino floor. I could hear Dean in my head: "You go ahead and run, babe! I'm on a roll with the dice!! I'm HOT!!"

Yeah...hot is RIGHT!!


It will be very interesting to watch the development (and deconstruction) of downtown Las Vegas.


(I am sitting here trying to show Dean the pictures of the Crown, and tell him about it...he's ignoring me, while his jaw is wide open and he's playing "Battle for Middle Earth" on his laptop. I told you he wouldn't leave the craps table, either, didn't I???)



SPEAKING of Dean...I guess I owe the woodworker an apology. And, I hate it.

Turns out, Dean had been faxed descriptions and measurements of all of the wood that he would be making for the remaining projects I spoke about yesterday. Next to each of them, it states: WHITE OAK.....WHITE OAK....WHITE OAK. Even the handrails that were made that we both HATE....a DRAWING, with measurements, right there on the estimate for work. Unfortunately...I was never made aware of this beautiful 4 page fax. All I ever heard were the figures to do the work. So...I gracefully backed out of having ANYTHING to do with the woodwork.

Dean has an appointment with the guy tomorrow. I'm out. All of that...PAID for...wood. Makes me sick. I have a feeling we will be paying the guy to do it all over...CORRECTLY...which makes me sick, again.

Ladies.....ever been working on a project (albeit a MAN'S project), and be railroaded unknowingly? I could go on and on about my disappointment and frustration. Sometimes, I wish there was a way to get even with the rules of the "Boy's Club".



On a happy note:


I have an AWESOME cousin. She rocks my socks!! Her name is JoAnn. I wanna move in with her. Besides her and her husband being AWESOME Guitar Hero challengers, I like her Simpson's pinball machine. She rocks with her karaoke, too. This is a pic with me, JoAnn and her bestest buddy, Kohl. (Kohl rocks, also. She's the one that was blessed with HEIGHT!! Get the three of us together...and WATCH OUT!!)




Anyways....I got a package today. It had a card in it that was addressed to me, aka The Turtle. lol I open up the VERY tightly wrapped package (you like TAPE and brown bag paper, don't you, JoAnn??), and it was a FABULOUS care package!!

There was a SUPER soft pink (my fav color) teddy with a post it that read: TO HUG. A box of Sweetheart candies that were posted: TO EAT. A small box that had a note on it reading: TO WIND. Ok... I open up the box, and there's a wind-up turtle in it!! (You so rock!) And then the final touch: Something wrapped in red tissue paper. Something cylindrical....something that I am starting to see "Nutritional Facts" on... Oh...VERY clever. A small bottle of Metemucil that has a post-it that reads: TO POOP.


Glad to know friends and family are still worried about me....


JoAnna Banana.....THIS blog's for you!! I love ya, kiddo!! Can't wait to test your wicked skills on Guitar Hero again! I hope you've been practicing!!


Care packages are the bomb.....

What to blog, what to blog....

I'm really not quite sure what I want to write about tonight...I just know that I don't want to write it as late as I did last night. YIKES!

I've spent the majority of the day horizontally.....in my bed today. Couple of reasons which I shall not devulge. But,the reasoning behind it seemingly is accurate.

The time that wasn't spent in bed was spent either on the computer, in the car (driving), or dealing with home-improvement people. Ah...the never ending project: my home. Maybe I will tell you a little bit about that road block in my life.


I've been remodeling our home (inside and out) for almost 3 years now. From ripping up all the driveway, sidewalk and front yard...to replacing all 23 interior doors...reflooring every room....repiping the whole house...even replacing all of the duct work and both dual paks.

Well, when I originally started...and up until the past, oh, six months....I have been my own general contractor. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, that means: I decided which trade worked first, dealt with paying everyone, scheduling every trade, etc. It just got to be too much for me with my health being as it has been. So...we hired a friend as our General.

One of the trades we had hired was a woodworker. I had originally used him in hand-making our kitchen/dining room floor, mantle, 2 ledges, and our 9 1/2 foot tall arched dungeon-style front doors. The kitchen floors are 3/4" pecan with rustic/vintage nails at the end of each board (for decoration), the mantle and ledges are fir, and the only choice I had for the front door was oak. I can't stand oak...but, that was the only wood that the front door could be made of. The wood inside the house has a VERY warm, dark, almost mahagony color to it...and all of it is DEEPLY hand-hewn and distressed....giving the house a VERY old, Spanish feel to it. Many of our friends say it's like stepping into a Mexican hacienda. I truly adore the feel. Each room is a different color, with different flooring...but, the colors are used over an over again in the house...just not in adjoining rooms.

Ok....that picture being painted (can you see the house??) let's move on.

(Here's a picture of our dining room with it's new knotty alder doors. There is painting that has to be RE-done...and the wood will be stained to match the color of the dining table on the right side of the picture. That's basically the color of all the wood throughout the house.)





Now, the general has rehired the same woodworker (at our request), to make sills for all of the windows and a casing that wraps around the ledge of our staircase...which consists of three LARGE lengths of wood.

Wood was delivered yesterday. I was away from home.


I came home, and looked at the wood that my contractor was working with. Oak. LIGHT oak, to be exact. Light oak that wasn't HEWN, to be precise.

They were about to put it under their Skillsaw. Thank GOD my luck didn't fail me here. They immediately stopped, and said there seemed to be an issue with the wood. None of the wood had finished ends. Nothing measured out correctly...AND, when they tried to put the capping on the railing, it overlapped the sides by 2.5" ...and showed the unfinished oak underneath.

Guess what? Once again, this woodworker has been paid in full...and I feel like I won't get this corrected. Please, say a little prayer for me on this one. We've had our front doors for almost 2 year now, and ever since they were installed, they were to be weatherstripped. Guess who finished them and when? My current "handyman"...and about 3 months ago.

Oh dear...I am rambling on and not very funny tonight. I must be tired.


Anyways....I might pop back on tonight if something else stirs in my head.


Until then, I shall continue watching "Mirror Mask" with my daughters. I really like this movie. If ever you saw "Labyrinth" with David Bowie (and appreciated it)...you would adore this movie, also. Very bizarre.

Possibly more so than Tim Burton's creations.........

Who loves the DMV??

Ok....how many of us here just LOVE going to the DMV? Raise your hand. Ok, put it down. You look funny raising your hand while reading an online blog all by your lonesome.


Well, I told you the other day that I hadn't yet received my license, and that I feared that my identity had been stolen, AGAIN. (Yes....some day I will blog about BOTH of those ordeals!) Good news is: It's not been stolen. Bad news: I have NO idea when I will be getting my license...therefore holding up mine and Dayna's passport. If I can't get her passport VERY soon, then I get to go to the DMV and pay them $25 for a CA ID card for my 13 year old. Where's the justice??


Here's how it all unfolded:

I called DMV a day ago, only to be told that my application was listed as "INCOMPLETE". I went in on 1/7/08...had a woman AT the DMV look over and APPROVE the application....TAKE MY CHECK (which, I am SURE has been cashed by now)...and ask me if the old picture was fine. Seeing as how I was in sweats and not ready for a new pic, I said, "Sure". (The picture doesn't look a THING like me now...but...oh well!)

The gal on the phone keeps pressing me that it's because I did not take a new picture, give my thumbprint OR take a new vision test. I then went on to explain how my daughter went in the day after I did (remember me telling you that?), and they did not make her go through any new hoops. Not understanding that principle, I asked to speak to her Supervisor. This quickly had her talking me into holding while she called the branch of the DMV that I went to in the first place.

After coming back on the line, I was told that my license is tied up in a glitch in the DMV system. I have been flagged by their Problem Driver Pointing System. Sounds menacing. I, am NOT a problem driver. Nor have I ever been. So, I begin to ask her exacting what the PDPS is all about. (PDPS is what she was calling it...)

The PDPS applies to commercial drivers and driver's who have licenses in more states that just California.



I don't fit EITHER of these catagories.


I drive a CAR. (Albeit a LARGE one...)


I ONLY have a license in the lovely golden state of California.



She tells me there is NO explination for this mishap. The best she can do for me is take my number and they will have someone call me back, once they find something out. Once again...no forecast in when I might GET my license.


So....this is where my license is laying....in the INCAPABLE hands of the state government, in a far away land called Department of Motor Vehicles. If ever I had little faith in the system, this has only amplfied my feelings.




And, if I have to give them an EXTRA $25 for Dayna's ID because I can't get her passport....I'm gonna be even MORE upset....




Speaking of government: how's everyone enjoying the banter between Obama and Clinton?


BILL Clinton, that is.





I forgot. Which one is supposed to be on the ballot?????

At the close of the day...

Here I sit, at the close of the day, still perplexed as to what to write about. Something personal and witty, just would not do justice for the shining star that was lost today.

Heath Ledger, at the tender young age of 28, was found dead this afternoon. A terrible shock to many of us around the globe. Although I must admit, I did not closely follow his career, I came to admire his work after I watched "Brokeback Mountain". After that performance, I realized how many other films I had seen him in, and enjoyed his acting.

I heard about his death this afternoon, while I was playing solitaire at an online gaming community that I belong to. Someone came in, greeted a friend, and then said how sad she was at the recent news of his death. Finding this hard to believe, I did a search on the Internet for his name...and came up blank with information about his death. I then went to MY home news page, and saw nothing. Last option, I went to CNN.com, and it was breaking news. My heart sank.

You know, watching all of the news leak out, minute-by-minute, I realized why I hated working in the American news so much. All of the gossip starts, when it seems he was barely gone from this earth. Rumors here and there started surfacing. The one that got me was how he was found naked, face down on a bed in Mary-Kate Olsen's SoHo apartment. This turns out, was a fantastic load of crap. I think the media is so blood-thirsty, that they don't even give the deceased the dignity and respect of getting decent sources. It seemed that as fast as they could report that, they had to spin it backwards. What do these agencies have to gain from such a rush to report?

Then, there was the rumor of pills being scattered around his body...which the NYPD debunked this evening. I think we, as the general populous, would be best off in waiting to find out the TRUE details, rather than to have dramatic FALSE ones fed to us in a timely matter. Just my humble opinion.

Heath, you will be missed greatly. You leave behind a bright light that had so much power behind it...and, you left behind a little daughter who can never replace you. May God rest your soul. The details are not of importance to me, I am just saddened at your leaving us.

I hope, tomorrow, to share a "lighter" message.

May God bless you and keep you safe. Whether you are friend, family or just a reader who stumbled upon my blog...know that you are loved.

The Little Purse That Thought It Could Swim

Alright.....some of you already know this story. But, I think it bares repeating for those who haven't heard it yet.


Many of you know I have lived a rather interesting life, with many fascinating aspects....ups and downs.....highs and lows. Many of you have said I should write a book. Well....no book (yet)....but, I will continue to blog some points of interest.



Before I start in on this story, lemme update you from yesterday. Got my staples out today. All 12 of them. Doc says everything looks "right on track". It's really a good thing that I love my doctor so....or, I would have smacked him upside the head and asked him, "WHICH TRACK IS THAT?!?!?"

All kidding aside, he said everything looked great (funny thing to say while you are looking down at someone's hooha...), and that my "issue" was normal and to be expected for the next few days, that I can start driving, gave me an Rx for a hormone (I keep wanting to spell that HOR-MOAN...lol) patch, and he'd see me in a week. So, there ya go. My little "Update".


(No...I'm not telling you if I have POOPED or not!!!)



Back to the story at hand....

Most of you know that we took a 10-day "vacation" (there IS a reason for those parenthesis) to San Juan and the Caribbean the day after Christmas. It started out with a flight from FAT (yes...that IS our sorry-ass airport code here), heading to San Juan...with two stops. Before we could even get checked in, I had TWO ladies who's suitcases fell over on me, causing damage to the back of one of my knees....and a bruise on the other thigh. I should have known from the get-go, this was going to be a wild and crazy trip!

Well, good 'ole US Airways (note to all: AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!) had us standing out on the tarmac, waiting for my wheelchair.....and, you guessed it.....we missed our connecting flight. So, a little over two hours later, we ended up with a COMPLETELY new flight schedule.....for the next day. Oh! They were gracious enough to put us up at the Hampton Inn for 1.5 hours. Side note: Hampton Inn in Las Vegas was surprisingly WONDERFUL!! Anyways....flights here, flights there...we are finally about 2 hours away from landing in San Juan, 12 hours later than scheduled. About that time, I see Briana (our eldest), asking the steward....sorry..... ATTENDANT....for some salt, while she is peeking out of the restroom. After she is out, she comes to me crying, saying she is not feeling well. She sits on my lap, and I touch her skin. She's BURNING up. MASSIVE fever.

We land in San Juan, and get to our hotel at 2:30am. I immediately inquire about a doctor on call, and they give me the info for the hotel operator. Once in our room, I call for a doctor. This operator was not thrilled about calling the doctor at this time of the night, but I insisted.

10:30am.....no doctor. She DIDN'T call the doctor. So, I make another urgent plea to the new operator on duty, who promptly gets a doctor to the room and diagnosis Bri with strep throat. Now, comes the fun part: learning about getting Rx's in Puerto Rico from Walgreen's. You would think a Walgreen's is a Walgreen's....right? NOPE! You drop off your prescription, and are told it will be about 45 minutes. So, we carry on with some sightseeing and come back later in a taxi. I walk in to pick up the prescription...5 people ahead of me....little did I know I would be spending almost an HOUR waiting in line! WITH, of course, a taxi running with our kids in it. Ok...so, now, drugs in hand, we get Briana doped up and feeling better almost instantly. Let's head to the Caribbean on a 7 day cruise!!!

Here we are, out at sea, and getting ready to dock in Antigua, where we have a fun-filled day ahead of us!! We're going ATV'ing!! We have 3 quads set up for the 6 of us, and we are ALL looking forward to going. One problem: Lee (Briana's boyfriend...who we took with us) has spiked a high fever. So....he insists we go on without him, but we all walk down and make sure he gets in to see the doctor on board. When we came back from our excursion, we find that Lee has 105' temp., due to a viral infection. No antibiotics....just heavy duty Tylenol. (Dear God....PLEASE don't let us all get sick RIGHT before my surgery!!)

We struggled with insect bites and low grade temps. and not feeling up-to-par for the remainder of the cruise. This is where the vacation gets REALLY exciting.

Disembarkation: January 5th, 09:52:17 (according to records).



That's when I slid my cruise card through for the last time, and was wheeled off the ship in my wheelchair. My lovely middle daughter, Alyssa, was my driver. I must say, through the whole trip, the cruise staff was nearly ANAL about not allowing anyone to push my wheelchair on the gangway. Until disembarkation. Poor Alyssa wheels me off of the ship, only to get a wheel stuck in the gangway. She pushes, and pushes....while the cruise employees stand and watch. Please keep in mind, we are holding up a huge line of passengers wanting to get off the ship...and no one is assisting us. So, Lys gives me one more shove.....and something unforgettable happens. My little purse, that I had JUST purchased at our last port, JUMPS up in the air....lands on the gangway (6 stories above the water), and rolls off the side (note: no nets....no guards).....plunging into the ocean. I remember screaming at this point....and wanting to vomit. I look around me. I see panicked faces across the dock screaming "NO!" in unison. I think Alyssa almost jumped overboard. My purse......was gone.

Inside that purse:




5 passports (everyone in my family)
2 CA Driver's License's (mine and Bri's)
2 ATM cards
2 credit cards
2 gas cards
1 insurance card
$800 in cash (I won a jackpot in the casino the first night)
My cell phone with all of my numbers and datebook



and most importantly.....


My digital camera with all of my Christmas an vacation photos on it.








All gone. In the blink of an eye.






I have to pause here, and ask you: Have you EVER had a moment in time where you solidly wished and wondered to God WHY you couldn't rewind?





Never before had I felt this feeling. Always talked about "going back and changing things"....never felt something so sickening. It was all about the camera. With my Fibromyalgia, I have lost most of my short-term memory. My girlfriends at church had prayed over me before I left, that I would get LOTS of pictures so that I could remember my trip. And that's what I did.....took LOTS of pictures. I knew that I had JUST gotten through Dean's surgery with him and was getting ready the following week to go under, myself. What I WASN'T thinking about, was how drastically this was going to impact our travels home. Basically, Briana and I didn't exist. TSA is no pretty picture to go through nowadays.


Well, they eventually escorted us away (after allowing me to sit in my wheelchair...staring at the ocean where my purse was, for what seemed like an hour), straight into Homeland Security. There we sat, waiting for some sort of ID for Bri and myself. For over an hour we were there. I just wanted to close my eyes and make this all go away. I wanted to be home, in my bed, with the covers pulled up over my head.

After leaving Homeland Security, we were escorted out to our waiting driver (been waiting for us since 8am...only number he had was my cell phone). The police explained to him what had happened, and that we needed to be taken to the San Juan Police Headquarters to file a report. Here, they guaranteed us that a case number would get us through airport security. We did this...but, it did not help.

I vaguely remember explaining our peril to the first TSA official, telling him that we had the SJ Police case number and phone number, and having him say directly to me,"Lady, that doesn't mean a THING to us." My heart sank. Millions of problems came drifting into my head. All of these caused because I hadn't secured my purse.

Bri and I had to go through extra security, had all of our carry-on's rummaged through, had high dollar facial care thrown away, got airport "blowjobs" at each security stop. Our main goal was to get IN an airport, and keep flowing through without missing a connection. Forgetting, of course, who we were flying on.

Yup, we missed our connecting flight...again....in Las Vegas. We were sent down to the ticket counter for hotel vouchers......we were only 6 of the approx. 300 stranded travellers that night at 2am. Once again, we waited for over 2 hours to get hotel vouchers. We were shuffled off to a "local" establishment....20 minutes OFF of the strip......only to be greeted by a 2 hour wait to get a room. We got 4 hours of sleep and a buffet the next morning, and ran as fast as we could to get to the airport.....only to have to go through security all over again.


Well, we got home Sunday afternoon. Monday morning, I immediately started putting our lives together again....replacing cards, filling out passport info (the kids need theirs IMMEDIATELY to go on a mission trip to Mexico in less than 6 weeks), going to the DMV to get a temp. license, etc. (Another side note: Bri went in a day later than me to get her license....she's already received it in the mail. Guess who hasn't? Guess who has a sneaking suspicion that her identity has ONCE AGAIN been stolen? Another story for another time....) Started filling in all of the holes so that I would be ready for surgery come Monday.









End of the story?









C'mon. You should know my luck better than that.....









January 9th, 9pm, I get a call from Alyssa (daughter #2) who is at church with Bri (daughter #1). Briana decided to leave her purse in her car while they were at church, and someone was (what we believe) waiting in the parking lot, and did a smash-and-grab. Smashed out the smallest (yet, most expensive to replace) window in her 2006 Mustang. I get to go through the motions of getting that all replaced and repaired for her.....with 5 days and counting before my surgery. They stole her designer purse, sunglasses, 60G video iPod with designer case. Thank GOD she didn't have her wallet in her purse!! Well....I got it all squared away for her. She's at a loss for the purse, case and sunglasses....but, we can replace the iPod. Some lessons come with a price.








I didn't even MENTION the story about how someone did a hit-and-run to my Denali while on vacation during Thanksgiving, did I????








Wow......so much to tell.........so little time.................









Wonder what I will share with you tomorrow???

My fruit plate

Well...it's done. I had a complete hysterectomy (including tubes and ovaries) on Monday, January 14th. Every woman that I had spoken with that had one previously, all SWORE how thrilled I would be once it was done. I invisioned these ladies dancing joyously in a field of wild flowers. I wanted to be dancing, too. After struggling for almost all of my life, it was dancing time.

I'm not dancing. Wow. This has been QUITE the eye opener. The pain, really isn't the issue. I have tightness at the incision (I am sure the staples don't help). The sleep ritual is ALL out of whack....as are my hormones, obviously. OMG!! I only THOUGHT that I had been having hot flashes in the past. OH NO!! I had NO CLUE what was in store for me! I wake up in the middle of the night, SOAKED from head to toe...knowing that I have the rest of the night to go. I weep, what seems like, constantly. Mourning the loss of my lady parts. Upset that my husband isn't around 24/7 like I was for him during his open heart surgery in October. Then...there's the BOREDOM. You can bet your life that you will find me either: A) in bed, B) in my recliner, or C) in the bathroom...TRYING to "get things going" again. I figured I would share that with you, only because half of the central valley already knows I am struggling in that area. I feared going to church today because they all might lay hands on me in hopes that I might poop. I have friends coming over hoping that they are the lucky ones who "scare the sh*t" out of me. Anytime the phone rings, I hear someone answer it, then a pause...then, "No. Not yet..." I am afraid that once I DO doo-doo, it will be front page of the friggin' Fresno Bee. It's ok...all they publish is crap anyways.

I call myself the "turtle". I move slowly and spend 90% of my time on my back, waiting for someone to help turn me over. I got into bed a couple of nights ago...climbed up on my knees (our bed is tall), fell flat on my face...and stayed there. I figured, there was a pillow underneath me, it actually felt comforting....I'd wait for someone to find me and roll me over. I am sleeping a little better now, but, I think my hormone patch is not quite doing it's job. I'm sure that my husband will be THRILLED when they get that straightened out.

omg. My middle daughter just came home from church, asking if I had pooped yet. Then, she told me that one lady asked in front of everyone, "So, has your mom....(dead silence).....POOPED?" (I just read her the paragraph about that above. Was I correct?)

Anyways....the catchy title to this blog. You're wondering why I called it that, huh? Well, when my doctor came in the next day after surgery, he was explaining to me what all he found. I knew I had 3 LARGE fibroid tumors, and "multiple" other tumors. He was telling me that one tumor was the size of an orange, one the size of a lemon...and by the time he got to the third one, all could invision was a fruit plate in my private parts. The last one was maybe...a grape. Or, maybe a kiwi. I like kiwis. But, we ARE known for our grapes here in the central valley....

Well, I think that's all I have to say for now. I'm feeling the need to raise my Yahtzee score. I guess I should explain that one, too. Seeing as how I spend too much time in the loo, I have a handheld Yahtzee game in there. That way, at least when people ask how it went, I can report the good news of an elevated Yahtzee score! I truly think I should buy a red/green light though. I AM getting tired of being asked "the question".....

By the way......have YOU pooped today?

I think maybe my next blog will be about my travels to Puerto Rico the week before my surgery.....