Well...it's done. I had a complete hysterectomy (including tubes and ovaries) on Monday, January 14th. Every woman that I had spoken with that had one previously, all SWORE how thrilled I would be once it was done. I invisioned these ladies dancing joyously in a field of wild flowers. I wanted to be dancing, too. After struggling for almost all of my life, it was dancing time.
I'm not dancing. Wow. This has been QUITE the eye opener. The pain, really isn't the issue. I have tightness at the incision (I am sure the staples don't help). The sleep ritual is ALL out of whack....as are my hormones, obviously. OMG!! I only THOUGHT that I had been having hot flashes in the past. OH NO!! I had NO CLUE what was in store for me! I wake up in the middle of the night, SOAKED from head to toe...knowing that I have the rest of the night to go. I weep, what seems like, constantly. Mourning the loss of my lady parts. Upset that my husband isn't around 24/7 like I was for him during his open heart surgery in October. Then...there's the BOREDOM. You can bet your life that you will find me either: A) in bed, B) in my recliner, or C) in the bathroom...TRYING to "get things going" again. I figured I would share that with you, only because half of the central valley already knows I am struggling in that area. I feared going to church today because they all might lay hands on me in hopes that I might poop. I have friends coming over hoping that they are the lucky ones who "scare the sh*t" out of me. Anytime the phone rings, I hear someone answer it, then a pause...then, "No. Not yet..." I am afraid that once I DO doo-doo, it will be front page of the friggin' Fresno Bee. It's ok...all they publish is crap anyways.
I call myself the "turtle". I move slowly and spend 90% of my time on my back, waiting for someone to help turn me over. I got into bed a couple of nights ago...climbed up on my knees (our bed is tall), fell flat on my face...and stayed there. I figured, there was a pillow underneath me, it actually felt comforting....I'd wait for someone to find me and roll me over. I am sleeping a little better now, but, I think my hormone patch is not quite doing it's job. I'm sure that my husband will be THRILLED when they get that straightened out.
omg. My middle daughter just came home from church, asking if I had pooped yet. Then, she told me that one lady asked in front of everyone, "So, has your mom....(dead silence).....POOPED?" (I just read her the paragraph about that above. Was I correct?)
Anyways....the catchy title to this blog. You're wondering why I called it that, huh? Well, when my doctor came in the next day after surgery, he was explaining to me what all he found. I knew I had 3 LARGE fibroid tumors, and "multiple" other tumors. He was telling me that one tumor was the size of an orange, one the size of a lemon...and by the time he got to the third one, all could invision was a fruit plate in my private parts. The last one was maybe...a grape. Or, maybe a kiwi. I like kiwis. But, we ARE known for our grapes here in the central valley....
Well, I think that's all I have to say for now. I'm feeling the need to raise my Yahtzee score. I guess I should explain that one, too. Seeing as how I spend too much time in the loo, I have a handheld Yahtzee game in there. That way, at least when people ask how it went, I can report the good news of an elevated Yahtzee score! I truly think I should buy a red/green light though. I AM getting tired of being asked "the question".....
By the way......have YOU pooped today?
I think maybe my next blog will be about my travels to Puerto Rico the week before my surgery.....
